Lose You To Love Me

You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off-key in my chorus
'Cause it wasn't yours
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose-colored glasses all distorted
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
You got off on the hurtin'
When it wasn't yours, yeah


We'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah


To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me

I gave my all and they all know it
Then you tore me down and now it's showing
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah


We'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah


To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me


You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off-key in my chorus

To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah


And now the chapter is closed and done
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us


Selena Gomez

Sources: Genius

I Almost Do

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

 

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

 

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.

 

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

 

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.

 

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me, not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

 

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.

 

Taylor Swift

Can I?

Dear God,

I don't think I can get through this storm?

May I stop here?

Sincerely,
Someone who can't stand anymore

If you love someone, set them free.

They said, if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.

Waktu kuliah dulu, sering banget kesel sama Ocha. Ocha dulunya sering banget nangis gegara pacarnya. Dia mempertahankan hubungan yang ‘kelihatannya’ –karena kita nggak pernah tahu sebenernya relationship orang itu seperti apa—nggak sehat, meskipun banyak orang bilang ke dia, “udah putusin aja!”

Sekarang, mungkin saya ketulah. Saya sering nyuruh Ocha putus, padahal saya nggak paham bener apa yang dia rasain, apa yang terjadi. Dan sekarang saya tahu, nggak mudah ada di posisi itu.

Berada di posisi antara ingin tetap mempertahankan dan melepaskan—karena udah ngerasa nggak sanggup, tapi kalau disuruh ngelepasin kok ya nggak ikhlas. Saya cewek lemah yang ketika diajak ngobrol lagi aja udah lupa sama ngeselinnya dia kemarin-kemarin. Saya selemah itu.

Tapi pada akhirnya, saya capek juga. Capek mempertahankan hubungan yang nggak jelas. Capek ketika ngomong serius tapi ditanggapin becandaan. Capek karena merasa berusaha sendirian. Capek karena dibohongin terus dan terus. Capek karena ngerasain sesuatu yang menurut saya penting dan bagi dia nggak penting.

I love him truly, but I realized kalau emang sama-sama suka yang dua-duanya usaha. Boleh sayang sama orang tapi jangan lupa lah kalau harus sayang sama diri sendiri juga. Dan jangan lupa kalau emang jodoh di tangan Allah. What is meant for you, will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains. What isn’t meant for you, won’t reach you even if it is between your two lips.

Apakah saya seikhlas ini?

Tidak. Yang sempat baca blog saya di February lalu—yang sekarang udah saya hapus, pasti tahu betapa berantakannya saya. Ada masa ketika saya marah, nangis, stress, denial. Semua tahap itu saya lewati hingga akhirnya saya menyerah, pasrah pada Kuasa Allah. Bukan karena nggak mau berusaha tapi terkadang untuk beberapa hal, memasrahkannya pada Allah adalah hal terbaik yang bisa dilakukan.

Saya sayang sama dia, banget. Lebih dari sayangnya saya sama yang sebelum-sebelumnya. Usaha yang saya lakukan lebih dari apa yang sudah saya lakukan untuk yang sebelum-sebelumnya. Hingga akhirnya saya sadar, tidak semua hal bisa saya kendalikan. Bahwa urusan jodoh memang lebih baik dipasrahkan. Kalau dia kembali ke saya, mungkin itu yang sudah Allah tuliskan. Tapi kalau akhirnya bukan dia, saya percaya Allah tahu, jauh lebih tahu, apa yang terbaik buat umat-Nya.

The Worst

Dan yang paling buruk adalah ketika kau telah memberikan yang terbaik yang bisa kau berikan, namun ia tetap merasa kau belum berjuang sama sekali untuknya. - Brian Khrisna